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My Husband is a Thargoid


Outlet: The Jotunheim Herald

My Husband is a Thargoid!


After a three month stint around the galaxy, Commander Abdul-Tawwab Tunveer of the "RJRS Last in Line When the Gravitas was Handed out" has finally returned home to his family. Any chance of domestic bliss was quickly dispelled by suspicion that the man who left was not the same man who returned. His wife has claimed that her husband has been taken over by a thargoid imposter and requested a restraining order. "I was so happy to have him back, but ... He is nothing like my husband. My husband was a loving family man, but this ... creature ... just sat in the recliner, staring into space, muttering about how the darkness is calling and that he can see the song of eternity. Then it got worse! My daughter caught him eating her laveian pet rat, yelling that meat is meat, over and over! That ... thing is not my husband!"

Daisy's Famed Explorer Destitute!


Commander Abdul-Tawwab Tunveer, recently returned from the far side of the galaxy, claims to have no idea why his wife thinks he is a thargoid. He suspects she may have had a breakdown due to his extended absence.

"I went out of my way to bring her back a beautiful flower from the far side of the galaxy, and I think responding with a restraining order is honestly just a bit much."

Tunveer also went on record saying that the thargoids were grossly mischaracterized in media, and that he owed the success of his long voyage to his thargoid co-pilot, Fred, whose numerous anecdotes had kept up his resolve even in the darkest corners of space.

Many in the local news are speculating that the celebrity's marital difficullties might involve financial difficulties. The exploration data in Tunveer's computer, collected over three months, was corrupted so badly Universal Cartographics deemed it worthless.

Big Harry Offers Big Money For Exotic Blossoms


Abdul-Tawwab Tunveer's recently returned from a three month jaunt across the galaxy to find his exploration data worthless and his wife terrified of him. Despite having agreed to several interviews, he has declined all paid speaking arrangements as he prepares for his next trip into the black, and reports indicate he has been desperate for funding. He may have just found it.

On his return, a well tended and never before seen vine, covered with blooming flowers, was found in the cabin of his ship. Tunveer claims he had brought it back as a gift for his wife, although he does not remember the details of how or where he acquired the plant. The owner of Big Harry's Monkey Hangout has made him a public offer of over 200 million credits in exchange for parting with the specimen, which would be more than enough to fund his next expedition.

RJRS Outside Context Problem


Commander Abdul-Tawaab Tunveer, known for his previous expeditions, marriage troubles, financial problems, and peculiar personality, has officially announced plans to begin his next great expedition. His financial problems seem to be no more, as he was willing to reveal his massive Anaconda-class vessel, the RJRS Lightly Seared on the Reality Grill. It was not only fully kitted to reach the far side of the galaxy, but to do so while bringing along several hundred passengers and over 50 tons of specialized equipment.

"I have found the promised land, my friend, and I seek only to share its glories with those willing to accompany me back to CEECKIA QA-L D9-0 A 4, those willing to strike new ground far away from the hustle and bustle of this busy cluster of human space. Truth be told, it wasn't my idea – a close friend encouraged me to organize this expedition when he learned of what I'd found. But I agree with his suggestions, and since I can now afford to finance the expedition, I will leave later this week so long as I can acquire the colonists."

He went on to explain that he would be taking the scenic route, as it was better to avoid the core because sometimes bad things can happen in the core, and that what happened there wasn't truly his fault. he would be skirting the rim of the galaxy this time, approaching his destination a bit more slowly, but hopefully with less risk, and that it was important that as many of his passengers as possible arrive alive. He reiterated that all he needed now was colonists, and requested that anyone willing to volunteer for the adventure of a lifetime contact him before he departed.